A Graduation … that didn’t always look likely

We finally arrived at graduation season 2021 -- one that could at last be celebrated with some sense of normalcy!   I was reminded of this inspiring story of a hard-won and triumphant graduation. 

Given that it’s also been a grueling year academically for most of the families I know, the backstory here is especially timely.

I heard this story many years ago from an adoptive mom shortly after her youngest son’s college graduation. I’ll call her Melody and her son, Jin.

A bit of backstory.    

When Jin decided on his college choice many had been puzzled that he’d settled on a school where he was almost certain not to fit in.  The religiously-affiliated college was in a small city, that was pretty conservative and non-diverse.  It seemed like an unusual choice for this Asian-born young man who’d grown up in a cosmopolitan university town.  But Jin was crystal clear about it being the right choice for him.

Back to graduation week.

As we enter the story, the family is traveling to campus for graduation festivities.  Melody gets a call from Jin who announces excitedly that he’s been awarded a Fulbright scholarship to study for a year in Europe.  He is elated and the whole family is thrilled for him!

One of the graduation events is a religious service at campus ministry led by a Filipino minister Jin knows well.  During the portion of the service where neighbors are encouraged to greet one another, Melody gives Jin a kiss and whispers to him, “Thank you for being our son.”  She suddenly notices a woman nearby watching them intently.  Since she’s used to being in a (transracial) family that frequently draws attention she’s not surprised, but just mildly annoyed. Jin doesn’t appear to notice the woman’s stare. 

After the service Jin greets the minister and introduces his family.  They are standing around and chatting animatedly about Jin and his four years there.  The woman who had been watching so intently is hovering and she finally approaches Melody.  She asks, “Is he your son?  Did you adopt him?”  Melody accepts the intrusion graciously and replies, “Yes, we did.”

Tears begin to roll down the woman’s cheeks as she explains that she and her husband are waiting for their son-to-be to arrive from Korea.  Melody surprises herself as she begins to cry too.  Jin, who has taken all this in, raises his arms overhead, Rocky style, and utters a matter-of-fact, tongue-in-cheek, “And here’s the finished product!”

A few days post-graduation.

As Melody recounts the story to friends, she beams as she moves through the Fulbright triumph, proceeds through the joyful graduation festivities, and arrives at the heart-warming adoption coincidence. 

Then she marvels at the transformation she’s seen in Jin.  Shaking her head, she recalls the period in middle school when he was fighting with everyone, refusing to do homework and had a special knack for antagonizing teachers.  One teacher wrote her a letter forewarning of the doom that would surely unfold in Jin’s future. 

Melody recounts with mortification the one day when, out of despair and sheer frustration with him, she blurted out, “You’re going to end up a garbage collector!”  Like every parent who regrets something declared in the heat of tough times, she is convinced that doozy is permanently etched in Jin’s memory. 

She might be right.  But even if she is, Jin didn’t happen to mention it during this graduation weekend!

Such are the trials, tribulations and triumphs and the mind-boggling richness of being an adoptive family.