A son's path through basketball and adoption to finding himself

There’s an adoption story in last week’s news that caught my attention. 

Surprisingly, it’s in the Sports section.  It’s a beautifully written piece by Brendan Quinn, published originally in The Athletic on March 5^th.  On the 8^th it was reprinted in its entirety in the Saturday New York Times Sports section*, so we know this has spoken to a great many people.

The story starts when a 5-year walk-on player on Michigan State’s basketball team sinks a wily and dramatic basket in a game that MSU is handily winning over Rutgers.  It wasn’t a game-winning score. In fact, it’s only because MSU has a comfortable lead that this 23-year-old is even on the court. At 5’8” and 150 lbs. his teammates on this nationally-ranked team tower over him, not only in height, but also in raw talent. 

This basket is the first score of his career.  The Michigan State arena erupts “in some kind of shared catharsis… and one of the loudest moments in Breslin Center history.”  As Quinn describes it, the fans went wild because, “everyone’s little brother made this shot.”  Teammates and the student section are screaming and jumping.  Lots of older fans are moved to tears. 

That player is Steven Izzo, son of Michigan State Hall of Fame basketball coach, Tom Izzo.  Steven grew up in this arena, long before he put on a jersey.  The crowd has begged and chanted for a long time to see him get the chance to play.  And he’s now taken, and sunk, the shot they hoped for. 

It is his shining moment and after the game he is humble, loving, and proud.

It also happens that Steven was adopted, which was never a secret.  He’s always known, and his adoption was covered by local papers at the time because his dad is such a huge celebrity there.  But, as Steven grew up, “his adoption came to be sort of acceptably ignored”.  He and his dad look enough alike that it faded into the background for the public.  Even recent, detailed coverage of their father-son story on “CBS Morning News” completely skipped over it.  

But it hadn’t faded for Steven, and what unfolded from that single triumphant basket is the story worth reading.

Steven Izzo, at 23, is now ready to search for his birth parents and finally learn the story of his birth. 

He wants answers to questions that he first voiced in frustration at the age of 8, and that he tried for years to walk away from, but couldn’t.  He finally has the confidence to address his adoption.  Once he let his parents and sister know that the talking began. 

As this unfolded, Tom Izzo “sensed a deep unease”.  He created an excuse to invite Steven to take a ride with him and they drove and talked, long and hard.  By the end of that ride, Steven knew his dad understood his need to search for his birth mother and those answers. 

Steven has chosen to make his journey to this point public.  His family also shared graciously so that Quinn could get the story right in its entirety.

This account of struggle, uncertainty, frustration, patience, family support, and basketball all woven together is full of valuable insights. It’s both a fairy tale moment on a grand stage, and it’s the balancing act that adoptive families navigate all the time.  It is one story of how a family handles the complexity of what is known, and what is not known, over years,… what can be shared and what makes sharing scary.  And, finally, what carries an adoptee to the decision that they’re ready to find out their adoption story.

It differs from so many accounts of adoption that are either all happy-ending or all trauma and despair. It is messy, it’s remarkably loving, and that’s what makes it inspiring.   

The Comments section of The Athletic article was full of admiration and appreciation for what Steven, and his parents, have shared so openly about their journey along the path of adoption.   Kudos as well to Brendan Quinn for capturing it so sensitively and accurately in all its richness and complexity. 

My two favorites:

“Wow.  Thank you for breathing life into adoption, and tears, lots of tears.”

“Awesome story Brendan!  As an adoptive father it helps me realize the importance of helping my son understand his biological roots.”

As we head into March Madness, a perfect tribute to adopted people and the families that love and support them.

*(The article is behind a paywall, but the Athletic has a subscription special through the end of March for $1/month for a year.  Some NYT subscriptions also allow you to access the story by linking your NYT account with an Athletic.  I don’t receive any money for providing their information, I have a sports-inclined daughter who is a subscriber.)