Three most difficult questions

Three most difficult questions

The room grows quiet in Inquisitive Minds when we ask parents to write down the three most difficult questions a young child might ask about adoption.  Parents pause with a nervous intensity.  Then they start writing. 

We compile their lists for the next session.

Why didn’t my birth mom want to keep me?

Will you give me away too?

Why am I brown and you are white?

Did you buy me?

Can I go back to my birth mother?

Some questions show up over and over.  When parents see the list the first relief is seeing that the questions that have been looming in their minds are shared by others.

But there is always variety in the list.  Because adoption situations differ and parents have different sensitivities.

Why didn’t you adopt my sisters too?

Why did my birth mommy only love my brother and not me?

Why wasn’t I adopted by someone in my birth place?

Will I be returned to the judge?

Do you love me as much as you love my brothers?

What one parent imagines to be a question that would render them speechless, another parent makes a stab at with a simple and straightforward answer.  A lively comparing of notes begins. 

Before this point in the workshop we have covered how young children think.  What they notice and wonder about.  How they grow curious.  How they process information.  How they see the world, their family and themselves.    

As the group considers this list of questions, that primer on child development becomes a foundation from which to view it.  Parents realize they now understand more about how the wheels turn in those young minds than they did before Inquisitive Minds began.  They feel a little better equipped.

For some, this is the first time that they vividly imagine the rubber meeting the road on this universal task for all adoptive families -- being able to talk about whatever your child wants to know.  Or whatever they have feelings about. 

For others, they’ve already fielded some of these questions. They realize they already have experience! They share how it went with their child.  The answer given may have led to a short conversation or maybe they noticed a response that wasn’t spoken.

This is the power of parents coming together -- perspective, support, and strength in numbers.  Bringing both nervousness and confidence to the table.  Learning together how to “think like a preschooler”. 

Difficult questions faced, shared and whittled down to size. 

The next Inquisitive Minds workshop begins April 24^th.  This one is virtual so you can attend from the comfort of your own home.