Are you ready for your child's
first questions about adoption?
Does this sound like you?
You want your child to hear about adoption from you, before they hear about it from someone else.
You plan to be open and honest, but how much information is too much?
Will the right explanations come to you when you need them? Even for a question you never thought they'd have this young?
Will you think on your feet -- or just avoid it?
Your head says: "Parents do this all the time."
Your heart and gut sometimes chime in: "What if I
say the wrong thing? What if they see me struggle?
More than anything, you want to see
the look on your child's face that shows
they feel reassured by your reply.
Greetings, I'm Dr. Kris Freeark. I have been through that myself.
Our daughter, Katie, posed her first question at 3 1/2.
"Mommy, remember when I was in your tummy?"
Lots of information had been provided all along, but this was the first time Katie's curiosity led the conversation.
I hadn't expected that question so early because at the time experts said that children only parroted what they had been told and didn't grasp adoption until 6-8.
I was a child and family psychologist with more than a decade of experience helping families with harder topics than adoption. I was surprised by my own uncertainty and nervousness about responding to her question.
Where would my answer take us next? How would her 3-year-old mind make sense of her story? What feelings would we be wading into?
That first talk taught me:
- how important it was to take it slowly -- listening for her next question, rather than saying too much
- how much she could, in fact, grasp
- how straightforward and powerful a short conversation could be
- how a comfortable back-and-forth built confidence and trust
Responding to early questions well is one of the most important jobs adoptive parents have.
Your answers to their questions shape how they tell their story.
A solid beginning makes all the family talks that follow much easier.
If you have felt uncertainty about this ...
The Inquisitive Minds workshop
will take you from
nervous to knowledgeable
in 8 weeks.
When you know:
- how they grow curious about adoption, you can think like a preschooler and
provide honest, kid-sized answers. - what to watch and listen for, you have a map to the amazing territory of their inquisitive mind.
- what's most important for them to take away from these short conversations, you realize you are building a foundation for longer and deeper talks as they get older.
The goal is to feel prepared, not to get it all perfect.
Designed for adoptive parents
of 3 to 6 year olds
Inquisitive Minds is
- a small-group program: lessons, activities and resources help you understand
your child's experience of adoption - a live, interactive workshop via Zoom: no traveling, and simpler child care
- 1 hour weekly over 8 weeks: gives you time to try out what you learn at home
- sharing questions and insights between sessions in a private forum
-
two group Q&A calls: provide the opportunity to ask questions specific to your child and/or situation. These calls supplement the more topic-focused discussion of the weekly sessions.
"Before the workshop, I felt pressured to have conversations with M. based on a predetermined timeline. I felt we were behind... and that I was doing a bad job helping him to know his story.
After the workshop, I felt calmer and better able to trust my own instincts on when and what to talk about. I feel better able to really listen to what he is asking and to answer based on that.
We’re on our own timeline based on his understanding and whatever information he is seeking."
-- L.M, mom to M. (age 5)
Parents are relieved to learn that not knowing what to say is a valuable part of the process.
Brainstorming ideas for what to say is central to the workshop. As parents help each other do this they discover their own voice and become more comfortable in responding.
Kris shows how to incorporate play into answering kids' questions about adoption and identity.
Parents find the experience reassuring and empowering.
Carrie Hatcher-Kay, PhD, past co-leader of Inquisitive Minds
A lasting impact
One year later:
"Your workshop was wonderful. Just the other night I had a very intense and meaningful conversation with David. It was about our move and how it touched on the difference between his and his sister's adoption.
I felt much better prepared having taken your workshop."
-- S.H., mom of David (now 6)
Start now along the path to a
strengths-based understanding of family and adoption.
